The Days Nobody Claps For

Nobody’s standing around cheering when you finally make a better decision than you would’ve made a year ago. Those days count, too.

We spend so much of our lives celebrating the big moments — the promotions, the accomplishments, the things we finally get right. We take pictures, post them on Facebook, and everybody tells us congratulations.

And don’t get me wrong, those moments are great. We should celebrate them.

But what about the days nobody sees?

The mornings you wake up and don’t particularly feel like facing the world, but you get up anyway. The days you’re trying to rebuild something you spent years tearing apart. When you’re doing everything you know to do, and it still feels like you’re getting nowhere.

I’ve had plenty of those days.

The Part Nobody Talks About

There have been times in my life when just getting through the day felt like an accomplishment. Times when I was starting over, wondering how in the world I’d gotten myself into another mess. And if I’m being completely honest, the hardest part was knowing how much of it I’d brought on myself.

That’s a tough thing to admit.

One of the hardest lessons I’ve had to learn is that you can be a good person and still make some really bad decisions. You can love people and still hurt them. You can have the best intentions in the world and still completely screw things up.

And unfortunately, saying you’re sorry doesn’t always put things back together.

Some things take years to repair. Some things never go back to the way they were. Sometimes you have to learn to live with the consequences of decisions you made when you weren’t the person you’re trying to become today.

I don’t think we talk about that enough.

The Messy Middle

Everybody loves a good comeback story. We love seeing somebody who lost everything turn their life around. We love second chances, redemption, overcoming the odds.

But we usually only hear about the beginning and the ending. Nobody talks much about the middle — and man, the middle can be ugly.

It’s the part where you’re trying to change old habits, make better decisions, take responsibility, and figure out how to move forward without constantly beating yourself up over the past. It’s when you’re trying to become someone better, but the world still remembers who you used to be.

Sometimes, if I’m honest, you still remember that person too.

Rebuilding your life isn’t nearly as exciting as people make it sound. There’s no soundtrack playing while you’re trying to make things right. Nobody’s standing around cheering when you finally make a better decision than you would’ve made a year ago.

Sometimes growth is keeping your mouth shut when you would’ve said something hurtful. Sometimes it’s apologizing without expecting forgiveness. Sometimes it’s simply getting out of bed and trying again.

When Progress Doesn’t Feel Like Progress

You can be doing better than you were six months ago and still feel like you’re falling behind. You can have a hundred things going right and somehow find yourself focused on the two things going wrong. I’ve certainly been guilty of that.

It’s funny how quickly we forget the things we’ve survived once we’re facing something new. We look at where we are and compare it to where we thought we’d be by now — the years we lost, the opportunities we missed, the people we disappointed.

And before long, we’re so busy thinking about how far we still have to go that we forget how far we’ve already come.

I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately, especially with everything happening with my music. People are listening to songs I’ve written, sharing them with their families, sending me messages from places I never imagined my music would reach. Some days I still have a hard time wrapping my head around it — and I’m incredibly grateful.

But here’s something I’ve learned: just because something good is happening in your life doesn’t mean everything in your life is suddenly good.

You can have a wonderful day professionally and still be carrying something heavy personally. You can be excited about the future and still have regrets about the past. You can feel genuinely blessed and still have moments when you wonder what in the world you’re doing.

I think both things can be true.

The Smaller Victories

I’ve had some beautiful things happen lately, but that doesn’t mean I’ve suddenly become some perfect version of myself. I still have things I’m working through, mistakes I’m learning from, parts of my life that need attention. And that’s okay.

I’m beginning to understand that maybe life isn’t about finally reaching some point where everything is fixed. Maybe it’s about learning how to keep moving forward while you’re still figuring things out.

So I’ve started appreciating the smaller victories a whole lot more. A conversation that goes better than it would’ve a few years ago. A moment when you choose patience instead of anger. Finding the courage to admit you were wrong. Accepting that somebody might never see you differently, no matter how much you’ve changed — even learning to be okay with that is progress.

And here’s another thing: not everybody is going to understand your journey. Some people will always remember the worst version of you. Some will have an opinion about your life without knowing much about what you’ve actually lived through.

You can’t control that. What you can control is what you do today.

You can keep showing up. You can keep trying to do right by people. You can keep working on the things you know need to change. And you can do all of that without needing anybody to notice.

That’s a hard lesson for someone like me, who’s spent so much of his life wanting to get things right and sometimes going about it completely wrong. But I’m learning.

To Anyone in the Middle of It

I think that’s part of why I feel so connected to the people reaching out about my music. Some of them are celebrating incredible victories. Others are right in the middle of the hardest chapters of their lives.

And I wish I could sit across from every single one of them and tell them this:

You don’t have to have an amazing success story to be making progress. You don’t have to be completely healed to be moving in the right direction. And you don’t have to prove to the entire world that you’re becoming a better person.

Sometimes the greatest victories in life are the ones nobody ever knows happened.

That’s one of the reasons I started our Facebook community, We Are Living Proof. I wanted a place where people could be honest about life — not just the happy endings, but the messy middle too. A place where somebody having a terrible day can say so without feeling embarrassed, and somebody who’s been through hell can encourage somebody going through it now.

Not a place where everybody has all the answers. Lord knows I don’t. Just a place where people can remind each other that there’s still good ahead, even when it’s hard to see.

If that’s something you’d like to be part of, I’d genuinely love to have you join us.

Join the We Are Living Proof Facebook community

Give Yourself Some Credit

If there’s anything I want you to take away from this, it’s that you should give yourself a little credit. For the things you’ve survived. For the times you wanted to quit but didn’t. For the apologies you’ve made, the lessons you’ve learned, and the small changes you’re making that nobody else may ever notice.

And if today wasn’t a good day, well — tomorrow gives you another chance to try. I know I’m still trying.

Maybe the older I get, the more I realize that some of the most important work we’ll ever do happens quietly — without an audience, without applause, without anybody telling us we’re doing a good job.

But that doesn’t make it any less important.

Some of the greatest victories are the days nobody claps for.

And those days count, too.

— Topher Ryan